literature

jaundice.

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livexforxliars's avatar
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Literature Text

jaundice.

-: there is only so much others can do to help you. you know this. don't you? you know. and yet you do nothing. you change nothing. in the pit of your eternally whirring mind. all that ties me to you is guilt. i don't understand why you keep coming here, to us, to me.

+: the night children, my father.

-: i don't understand. you.

+: he who comes after, beelzebub, all things to all men. i cannot tell her i am her brother. she deserves to be happy.

-: you do not think she'll be happy to find her long lost sibling, whom she has been searching for her entire lifetime, whom she left behind the ice for? you don't think she will be happy?

+: i am black inside as coal. i have died and yet, i am not dead. how could she be happy to know her only living family member is a convicted felon, outcasted? i will care for her from a distance and she need never know. it's the way i want it. an act of love.

-: love, by its nature, desires a future. if you loved her.

+: don't. won't have this anymore. let's talk about something else. the snow, perhaps? what about the snow?

-: it's the winter. it always snows in the winter, it's nothing special.

+: haven't we been here before?

-: i'm sure you feel as though you've simultaneously been everywhere and nowhere. you must find a meaning.

+: in the darkest, depthless moments of night, i dream. of monsters and red moons, creatures of black with eyes a jaundice yellow. children born of darkness, abandoned by the light. i think of these things, and see no good in anyone anymore.

-: you think of your father.

+: why do you ask me these things?

-: it wasn't a question. because i know. i know you, better than you know yourself.

+: if it's major depressive, i shouldn't have these visions. i think.
of my father. the truth is, he is not really my father. not in my mind. there, he's one of them.

-: who are they - enemies, devils?

+: the night children. heartless monsters yearning for their mother. yellow eyes. he's one of them, and he's going to return. he will die soon, i've been seeing it, and she tells me
she says
shh, this is the way it was always going to be.

-: do you think god is talking to you?

+: sometimes i think there is someone else living inside me. and he steals my breath and whispers to me from inside my skull and my bones shake like scheduled demolition crews are bringing them down to the ground.

-: who is he?

+: who is but the form following the function of what. and what he is is nothing. he brings me luck.

-: you are superstitious? not something i would expect from someone as intelligent as you.

+: but i kneel before you and say i am clean. i am clean and i am virtuous, i am sin-free olson read. all our wishes will come true. if i could be free.
there are no secrets, only blind eyes.
your eyes forever glued to mine.
© 2010 - 2024 livexforxliars
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ShimmeringHeart's avatar
my. i shall have to read this again, and probably again. it's the type of piece that you can take so much from and still find more underneath. i'm going to go stalk your gallery, you're a stunning writer. <3